After fifteen months of occasionally checking in on various parenting books about things like "How to clean your baby's belly button?" and "How to childproof your home?", I've finally felt the need to dig into a deeper, more philosophical text regarding this grand adventure of parenting. It's not that I haven't wanted to before. I just haven't really had the time or energy to do so. Plus, to be completely honest, Stella's been pretty darn easy up until now. She's still pretty easy, but I'm seeing the usefulness of drawing from the experts at this point.
I recently picked up a great book about parenting that borders on crunchy hippy mama-dom - which I unabashedly celebrate if I'm honest - but also offers practical advice for dealing with the ins and outs of kids. And let's face it, there are many outs when it comes to toddlers, so this is perfect. I guess I'm searching for two things as I read this stuff: A) practical tips for the everyday challenges and B) a better understanding of who I want to be as a parent. In other words, what's my philosophy?
I think I've been shying away from this question for many months now because it seems so potentially restricting. Must I stick to this philosophy forever? Or does my discomfort stem from my fear that I'll never live up to my philosophy? Plus, isn't just loving Stella enough? Well, sort of...
Rather than dwell in perfectionist self-doubt, I figure I should give it a go. I'm a teacher after all. And teachers - at least the good ones - actively articulate their teaching philosophies on a regular basis. It's like a code of ethics or a mission statement. Sometimes those mission statements take the form of daily To Do Lists, and sometimes they take the form of overarching philosophies of learning. Needless to say, this appeals to my list-making, overly analytical, fiercely theoretical brain.
The book suggests creating a list of family values to set the stage for finding your parenting philosophy. So the Papa and I sat down last night to talk about our values. Firstly, it was hilarious to me to observe the differences in how we communicated our ideas. While I hemmed and hawed over wordsmithing, basically coming up with about twenty odd rough drafts, the Papa simply and quietly wrote down his ideas. (Can I just say how glad I am that Stella will have her Papa around to temper my overactive jellybean machine of a head? He's a smarty pants, for sure, but he's just so much calmer about it all.) And here's what we've come up with. It's a short list of five values that we want to instill in Stella. Or, rather, we want our entire family to move forward with these values in hand.
I recently picked up a great book about parenting that borders on crunchy hippy mama-dom - which I unabashedly celebrate if I'm honest - but also offers practical advice for dealing with the ins and outs of kids. And let's face it, there are many outs when it comes to toddlers, so this is perfect. I guess I'm searching for two things as I read this stuff: A) practical tips for the everyday challenges and B) a better understanding of who I want to be as a parent. In other words, what's my philosophy?
I think I've been shying away from this question for many months now because it seems so potentially restricting. Must I stick to this philosophy forever? Or does my discomfort stem from my fear that I'll never live up to my philosophy? Plus, isn't just loving Stella enough? Well, sort of...
Rather than dwell in perfectionist self-doubt, I figure I should give it a go. I'm a teacher after all. And teachers - at least the good ones - actively articulate their teaching philosophies on a regular basis. It's like a code of ethics or a mission statement. Sometimes those mission statements take the form of daily To Do Lists, and sometimes they take the form of overarching philosophies of learning. Needless to say, this appeals to my list-making, overly analytical, fiercely theoretical brain.
The book suggests creating a list of family values to set the stage for finding your parenting philosophy. So the Papa and I sat down last night to talk about our values. Firstly, it was hilarious to me to observe the differences in how we communicated our ideas. While I hemmed and hawed over wordsmithing, basically coming up with about twenty odd rough drafts, the Papa simply and quietly wrote down his ideas. (Can I just say how glad I am that Stella will have her Papa around to temper my overactive jellybean machine of a head? He's a smarty pants, for sure, but he's just so much calmer about it all.) And here's what we've come up with. It's a short list of five values that we want to instill in Stella. Or, rather, we want our entire family to move forward with these values in hand.
1) Everyone deserves to be loved and cherished.
2) Happiness is a choice; we can make positive change happen.
3) Embrace curiosity, hard work and courage, especially amidst uncomfortable challenges.
4) Say thank you often and genuinely.
5) Be mindful of taking care of your heart, mind and body.
2) Happiness is a choice; we can make positive change happen.
3) Embrace curiosity, hard work and courage, especially amidst uncomfortable challenges.
4) Say thank you often and genuinely.
5) Be mindful of taking care of your heart, mind and body.
We've posted our values on our fridge amidst photos of our beloveds. It feels a bit strange to share such intimate family feelings in such a public space, but such visibility forces us to be transparent about it. Plus, I suspect it will be a really good reminder for me to stay calm and focused as I'm fixing a fourth lunch for Stella because she won't eat the first three. I'm interested to see how these values evolve over time. For now, they seem incredibly important and appropriate in light of the stage of life that we're all in - two early thirty-somethings with a toddler. Will they change as Stella grows older? Will they change as we grow as parents? I'm assuming our sense of worldliness and community will creep into this list more obviously as Stella grows. If anything, it will be exciting to see how this informs our parenting. My hope is that it will serve as a forgiving and gentle reminder of who we want to be as parents and how we hope Stella will feel as a young child.
Most of all, I'm eager to sit down with Stella in the future and ask her to help rewrite these values, contributing what she feels is important for herself, our family, our community and our world.
So I'm chompin' at the bit to know what other families come up with for this exercise. While it felt a bit cheesy at first, it ended up generating a valuable discussion between me and the Papa. It was fabulously comforting that we came up with very similar lists. So please, what have you come up with? Is there one value that you stick to? Are there lessons or ideas you want to give your children? Is there a list on your fridge?
Most of all, I'm eager to sit down with Stella in the future and ask her to help rewrite these values, contributing what she feels is important for herself, our family, our community and our world.
So I'm chompin' at the bit to know what other families come up with for this exercise. While it felt a bit cheesy at first, it ended up generating a valuable discussion between me and the Papa. It was fabulously comforting that we came up with very similar lists. So please, what have you come up with? Is there one value that you stick to? Are there lessons or ideas you want to give your children? Is there a list on your fridge?
1 comment:
Alright Kath, I can see my 4 chins from 600 miles away. I'm going to take that picture down next time I visit. I value one chin - although you're right it's a great idea to think a little deeper.
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