Not Feelin' It

I should feel crazed. I should feel nutty. I should be totally freaked out that I can’t find some of my Christmas presents.

But I’m not.

The shot above is where I am right now. Okay, so I’m not actually on the beach anymore. I'm talking about where my mind and heart are. In fact, I’m looking outside as I type this and marveling at the impressive snow bank in my backyard. We returned from Costa Rica three days ago, and while I’m happy the holidays are here, I’m having a hard time falling into my normal, slightly frantic holiday mode.

No complaints here. This is just completely foreign territory. A composed and calm holiday? Interesting. Very interesting.

I’m not sure if it’s the laid back Costa Rican pace that’s rubbed off on me (I can’t tell you how many Ticos literally told me “Relax. Don’t worry.”) or if it’s the foot of snow outside my window preventing me from running around like a crazed chicken for those totally unnecessary last minute holiday items. Maybe it’s because unlike last year – when our world still felt totally turned upside down as we struggled to keep up with the sleepless life of new parents – we feel pretty darn rested these days. Or maybe the fact that we’re lucky enough to have a job, a house and our health is what fuels this strange composure. Whatever the reason is, this new and unfamiliar calm is rockin’ my wool socks at the moment.

I’m confident that at some point today, I’ll experience a slight panic about my lack of preparedness (even though I am actually prepared) and the fact that I didn’t bake or cook some fantastically impressive dish for Christmas Eve dinner (even though nobody really cares what we eat as long as we eat together). For now though, I’m soaking up this cool and still sense of calm, reveling in the fact that this is the first time in my adult life that I’m actually coasting through the holidays with ease. This is what it’s supposed to be, right? A few days filled with friends and family simply enjoying one another, breaking bread together and reflecting on our blessings. While I would honestly give anything to be back on that warm beach, watching Stella and the Papa on the shore as I try yet again to fulfill my fantasy life as a surfer girl, I’m warmly comforted by this gentler experience of holiday celebration and am overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you, Costa Rica. Thank you, family. Thank you, beloved friends. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.