Little Mirror

Life has suddenly moved from leisurely and pleasant to crazed and crammed. As the holidays descend upon us and as we prepare for an international trip and a massive house project, I find myself feeling a bit more frazzled these days than I’d like. I’m managing to keep my cool for the most part because, after all, I feel so privileged to be able to do all this right now. But my mind is often racing and distracted. I am, however, focused enough to recognize that I have a wee audience through all this. Stella is the most powerful reminder of how crazy and silly I can become when dealing with outside stress.

As I was busy packing up dishes this morning, I noticed Stella babbling into her fake cell phone. She was walking around the circular floor plan, gabbing away, saying “Hi there” and “Bye Bye.” I had to grab my camera. After enjoying the moment, it hit me for the umpteenth time how impressionable my peanut is right now. Everything I do, from talking on the phone to brushing my teeth to greeting friends with warm hugs, is an example for her. How I behave is how she will behave. Of course, she’s her own person – hallelujah – but she is also the most absorbent sponge in the world right now. This ain’t groundbreaking news, and it ain’t rocket science, but it’s a valuable realization nonetheless.

And so I guess I’ve used the phone once or twice in Stella’s presence. Hmmm. Anyone who knows me will understand that I immediately started overanalyzing the potential dangers of Stella mimicking my phone use. Am I talking with friends too much? Am I not spending enough time with my daughter? Should I throw away the phone entirely? Do we really need electricity?

I realize the phone isn’t a problem. I really don’t use it much at all. Stella just thinks it’s fun to play with her phone just like Mama sometimes plays with her phone. So that’s not the issue. I think what is the issue is that I’m feeling totally maxed out lately as far as energy and time. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. And of course, what I fear the most is that I’ll focus too much on getting things done and neglect my primary and most important job – just being with Stella.

Just mulling this stuff over in my head makes me realize that I’m still doing a pretty darn good job of creating a balance in our house. I think it’s tough to recognize that life ebbs and flows, and Stella is a part of that ebb and flow. There are times when our schedules are packed, and there are times when we are free to move slowly and leisurely. As long as the latter is the more normal and natural routine, I think our family will be okay. And so far, that has thankfully been the case. In fact, I actually wonder if living amongst the balance of these two modes is healthy for Stella. Life isn’t always calm and peaceful. Chaos hits sometimes. I want Stella to grow knowing that it’s normal to feel a bit rushed sometimes. As long as your goals of balance and health remain steadfast, life will indeed resume to a more ideal pace.

That said, I’m going to take a few weeks off of writing. We’re off to enjoy our first international trip with a child, so send us some love, my peeps. We’ll be sending you a ton.