Learning to Color

My kid can't draw very well. Her sense of color, texture and space is all off. Her composition is skewed, and her detail work is less than desirable. She's an amateur and a hack, and I'm flustered.

Okay, so my kid is fifteen months old. Have I been too harsh? Perhaps I should I cut her some slack. Okay. Okay. I'll lighten up.

Despite my disappointment (heh, heh) in Stella's obvious lack of creative genius right out of the gate, I'm thrilled that my girl is already intrigued by all things artful and arty. As the weather has suddenly turned from gloriously lovely Autumn to dismally soggy Fall, Stella and I find ourselves with a lot more time on our hands inside. For the most, we're doing well. We tumble. We read. We chase the cats. We meet with friends and family. We play with puzzles. We hide the puzzle pieces under the fridge. We retrieve the puzzle pieces from beneath the fridge with a chopstick. Life is good.

But we have our moments. Long, drawn out boring moments.


So I found a gorgeous old tin I've had for ages and bought some kickin' earth and toddler tummy-friendly crayons and voila, we have an activity. I know, I know. Coloring ain't nothin' new. It's just new to Stella, and she's in heaven. We spend about forty minutes every morning coloring and talking as I enjoy a cup of tea and Stella works up an appetite for breakfast. If we're having a particularly long afternoon or struggling to just get to dinner, Stella often demands the Color Tin come down off the shelf and we're good for another half hour or so. These have quickly become my favorite moments of the day.

Of course, I must admit that we - and by we I mean I - got off to a rocky start. The first few times I took out the Color Tin and showed Stella the ropes, I found myself totally frustrated that she wasn't coloring. I was feeling smug that I, her rockin' Mama, knew her so well that I knew she would absolutely love the balloons, kitty cats and leaves I was drawing. After all, those are three of her favorite things right now. Rather than bask in the glow of my primitive but well-intentioned drawings, she wanted to rub the crayons all over her cheeks and neck. She wanted to touch each and every one until she could start over... and over... and over. She wanted to fill the tin with crayons and empty the tin of crayons, fill and empty, fill and empty.

What about my balloons? Didn't she want to join in? Didn't she want to make a mark on this fabulous piece of paper lovingly taped to the floor?

Well, no. She didn't. And she really didn't care about any of that until about a week ago. And even now, she's still more interested in feeling and sorting.

Oooh. That one looks nice.

Wait a minute. That one looks nice too.

It took me several days to figure out why I was, quite frankly, irritated by Stella's total disregard for what I thought was the purpose of coloring. I thought the point was to draw together. Stella thought the point was to experience all that she could with these amazingly fabulous new toys. She immediately dove in, reveling in the crayons' texture, sound, color, smell and taste. And I was busy drawing a friggin' balloon.

So I get it now. Okay? Consider this Zen Mama Lesson #58.

One more thing.... As I mentioned earlier, Stella can't draw very well yet, but I already regard her "work" with affection. Her scribbles really do look beautiful to me. The form is off. She really should learn to push down harder with the crayon. And her color choice is often atrocious. But it's beautiful. I suspect I'll feel this way a lot as I watch her grow. I'll see the flaws - because I'm actually really annoyed with parents who can't see their kids for all their glory, their good and bad - but I'll still love it all. Or maybe I'll just like it. But I'll stand in awe that it's hers. I mean, I grow her in my belly for just forty weeks and then she moves on to make whatever the hell she wants? Wow. It's a powerful connection that implies ownership on my part, but it's fortunately much more benign than that. It's just a soulful sense of pride that my baby is doing and being as she pleases.